Sunday, December 30, 2007

On Demi Moore and Ultimate MILFs

As two sex writers on the brink of breeding, we sometimes foresee a gloomy future—will people really take sex advice from two moms? But then we comfort ourselves with the knowledge that we live in a glorious era in which motherhood has become perversely conflated with bodaciousness: It's the age of the MILF, or, to put it more crassly, the Mom I'd Like to Fuck—an acronym at once repulsive and appealing. The MILF is Stacy's Mom. She's the lady in the Strippercize class. She dresses like a Jersey mob wife, her eye tilted into a perpetual wink. Is she our future?

The evidence surrounds us, from the 25,000-plus MILF-branded mugs and tees on Café Press to a rash of hot-mama books (The Hot Mom's Handbook, Confessions of a Naughty Mommy, The MILF Anthology), television shows ( Desperate Housewives, The Real Housewives of Orange County, the forthcoming contest "Hottest Mom in America," and a pilot in development called MILF & Cookies), and, of course, a concomitant porn genre (though the majority of these films simply feature women in their late twenties or early thirties—dinosaurs in the porn biz—defiling baby-faced "pool boys" and "grocery clerks").

How exactly did a once-taboo erotic fetish become a widespread, culturally sanctioned ideal, a perverse mix of branding and empowerment? After all, a hot mom used to be a tragedy, whether in the literal sense (Oedipus' Mom-I'm-Fated-to-Fuck, Jocasta) or in the bittersweet Mrs. Robinson sense ("Oh, God. Oh, let me out," begs Benjamin Braddock). Alternately, it was an insult: "Oh, yeah? That's not what your mama said last night." A hot mom was by definition a bad mom.

The term's tipping point was the 1999 release of American Pie, in which a designated MILF named simply "Stifler's mom" devirginizes a grateful teen. The film is often credited with coining the acronym; however, poll ten guys who went to college in the early nineties and you'll find eight guys who recall the term fondly (and at least one claiming someone in his hometown invented it). This is all pre-Internet hearsay, of course: The earliest online reference is a 1995 Usenet post about a Playboy pictorial of hot moms. (Unless you count the Moro Islamic Liberation Front, a Muslim separatist rebel group located in the southern Philippines.)

But why the hot mom, and why now? Maybe it has to do with women's procreating later, and being more hesitant to surrender a sexuality they've spent decades building. Maybe it's a looks thing, given that women can—with the aid of Pilates and a discreet tuck—turn back time to a sometimes disturbing degree. Perhaps it's a side effect of the rise of the hipster parenting generation. (What's less hip than having zero sex appeal?) And we can also thank Demi and Madonna for glamorizing May-December relationships.

Then there's the Viagra factor. "There are all these halftime commercials for Viagra shouting at men to take the lead sexually and make love like porn stars," says Ian Kerner, Ph.D., therapist-author of He Comes Next. "There's a lot of performance pressure on guys, so I think the idea of submitting to an older woman who can take charge is incredibly alluring."

But perhaps the weirdest aspect of the MILF phenomenon is how many moms themselves have embraced the term. By donning MILF T-shirts, they've made the I obsolete, declawing the dirty little joke on the playground. (Across the pond, Brits accomplished the same via the more polite term "yummy mummy.")

Jen, a 35-year-old divorced mother of two living in the Hudson Valley, says that in the past three years, she's had more sex than she did in her entire five-year relationship with her ex-husband—and she credits "the whole MILF thing": "It's totally cheesy, but ten years ago, I don't think there would have been so many 23-year-old guys who'd want to sleep with a 35-year-old mom." She estimates that 80 percent of the guys she's dated have been younger. "It's liberating and it's an ego boost—I'll drop my kids off at school and look at the other moms and think, Damn, I look good!"

But in the cultural analysis, not all MILFs are created equal. There's the good MILF: the one who is basically just a happy-go-lucky flirt with a lot of sexual confidence. She's the aforementioned Stacy's Mom, the subject of the Fountains of Wayne anthem of MILFhood—is it her fault that her daughter's boyfriend has a crush? She's just got it going on!

Then there are the MILFs who edge over into the MILF sister-category: the cougar. The punitive term implies an older woman as predator, a showy, sharp-clawed figure who turns the MILF hunter into the hunted. Think of it as a grown-up variant of the Girls Gone Wild phenomenon, except that while we may forgive an 18-year-old her lack of decorum—she was drunk, Joe Francis is a manipulating jackhole, she wanted that baseball hat real bad—her mom is supposed to know better.

Men salivate carnally for Demi twice: because she's had three kids and still moves like a Romanian gymnast; and because she dates an intrument 15 years her junior, who's best known for teenage video pranks on pimply O.C. cast members--and if that doesn't give wannabe MILFapfappers hope, nothing will.

We're not sure if Demi is the result of Pilates or plastic surgery, but after seeing that slow-motion, gymnastic bikini jog in Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle, we don't really care. The 42-year-old artiste formerly known as Mrs. Bruce Willis shamelessly takes the Mrs. Robinson crown, which we adorn with a 10, as 10 MILF stars.

Parts from http:// nymag. com/news/features/2007/se xandlove/30915/

Friday, December 28, 2007

The Other MILF

The MILF is an army of Muslims that has been fighting the Philippine government for independence since the 1970s (Moro Islamic Liberation Front). Mindanao has long been a troubled place. Both Muslim and Communist insurgents have been fighting the government there for years. There have been kidnappings, church burnings, and countless terrorist grenade attacks both in the hinterlands and in relatively modern cities like Davao and Zamboanga. All of these attacks were dutifully documented by Philippine newspapers. Occasionally they received a wider audience through the foreign media.
The area was Communist-controlled, and in 1988 the insurgency movements in the Philippines were near their high-water mark. The country was still recovering from a serious coup attempt earlier in the year and would suffer an even more serious attack the following year. Several American servicemen were assassinated outside the US bases. There were daily Communist ambushes in the countryside. It was not considered safe to travel between towns at night. The sense of fear for many was real. This gives a totally different meaning to the hedonistic term we are accustomed to as MILF.

Thursday, December 27, 2007

Rooster-Loving Moms

Cock Loving Moms is one of many portals into the Dee Cash network. These guys are constantly kicking out new sites with both new and old content. The webmasters have retooled this site in particular and although the content itself breaks no new ground, they have removed the dreaded DRM licensing and videos can now be downloaded. There are close to 100 MILF sets here and although some of the women don't really look that old, it's as good a place as any to join this great network.

Some of the material at Cock Loving Moms looks recycled from other sites, but simply may just be a case of producers passing around MILF models like a joint at a Grateful Dead show. The movies feature all the sex acts we know and love including oral, anal, creampie, and gangbangs. It's as hard as it makes us hard trying to pick favorites amongst this bunch, but we're luvin' Lisa Sparks, who does an outstanding POV bj. After many years, it's good to see Lisa is still enthusiastic about her work. Carrie is a fairly hot blonde we've never seen before and is quite believable as MILF material. Judging by the bedroom banter and the professionally executed fucking and sucking, she is probably a "working girl" of sorts. There are no extensive plots as most vids begin and end on a bed or couch and the short introductory lies are harmless.

The site is cleanly organized, but the indexing is nonexistent, with only one thumb photo presented as a preview. Videos come in one-click mpg files averaging about 250 mb/30 minutes in size and length. Unless we missed them, there were no corresponding photos.

The extras, which make monthly membership a great value, include access to over two dozen sites with a thousand different models presented. Sir Rodney works twenty hours of the day but even he needs some time to peruse these additional full fledged sites. Great JOM can be found at Suck My Dick Now, Look at Me Bitch, Girls Drink Cum, Group Teen Casting, Big Black Pimp, Gag School, Leaking Liquids, Jerk Me Now, and many more. Three thumbs up!

Sir Rodney update: Upon further investigation, it appears the $2.95 trial is a limited one. Go for the gusto and try out the full month's membership which gives you access to all the sites, no cross sells, no hidden charges, and offers 24/7 live member support.

Monday, December 24, 2007

Secret Lives of Women

(By Malinda Lo, Managing Editor, Women's Entertainment channel)
The docu-reality series Secret Lives of Women went behind the scenes to reveal the secret lives of lipstick lesbians. As Sarah mentioned last week in this column, the series' previous episodes include exposés of phone sex operators and so-called "black widows" (wives who killed their husbands), so I didn't have high hopes for Secret Lives of Women: Lipstick Lesbians.

But I have to admit, I was pleasantly surprised. Sure, parts of it were tacky (it opened with the narrator declaring, "It's every man's fantasy and every woman's curiosity"), but parts of it weren't bad.

Interestingly, the word "femme" (which many of us use more often than "lipstick lesbian") was very sparingly used in the WE program. Each one of the LLs had to say to the camera: "My name is so-and-so, and I am a lipstick lesbian" as if they belonged to a Lipstick Lesbians Anonymous group or something.

I can just imagine the meetings such a group would have. You'd have a bunch of women sitting in a circle with their legs crossed (wearing heels), trying to resist misapplying lipstick by going through a 12-step program to cleanse themselves of their shameful makeup addiction.

Step 1: Admit that you have an addiction to lipstick. Step 2: Recognize that an outside power (the friendly gay guy at the Mac counter) can help. Step 3: Consciously rely on that power ("Carson, should I get Rage or Lady Danger?"). [Fast forward a few months.] Step 8: Make a list of all the women you've smeared your lipstick on and offer to launder their shirt collars, vintage T-shirts and/or other accessories.

But back to the show. Lipstick Lesbians echoed what a lot of you were saying on the blog this week: The definition of a lipstick lesbian is elusive, and all labels are imperfect. (Only the men on the show seemed to have an agreed-upon definition: Lipstick lesbians are "the ones that guys always think about.") The women on the show all gave varying and quite broad definitions of what makes a lipstick lesbian, and they were quite diverse themselves as well.

There was the homo twin phenomenon (women who date women who look like themselves) in Sandy Sachs and Robin Gans, the co-founders of L.A.'s Girl Bar.

Through it all, we got to see lesbians in long-term relationships, going on dates, kissing each other (lots of kissing!), planning to have children and talking about family — quite an inclusive portrait of feminine lesbians. I even got a little choked up at the end when Melissa spoke about her relationship with Amanda, who forces her to help her choose every single outfit she puts on. Despite the styling pressure, Melissa said, "It's just like the first time we met every time we see each other." Aw. That was actually cute.

Sunday, December 23, 2007

An Essay on Hot Wife

Let us commence a journey into the much travelled topic of slut wife. I really, really like slut wife. While much has been written on its influence on contemporary living, slut wife is featuring more and more in the ideals of the young and upwardly mobile. Since it was first compared to antidisestablishmentarianism much has been said concerning slut wife by socialists, many of whom fail to comprehend the full scope of slut wife. Complex though it is I shall now attempt to provide an exaustive report on slut wife and its numerous 'industries'.

Social Factors

Comparisons between Roman Society and Medieval Society give a clear picture of the importance of slut wife to developments in social conduct. I will not insult the readers inteligence by explaining this obvious comparison any further. When Larry Bauer said "twelve times I've traversed the ocean of youthful ambition but society still collects my foot prints" [1] he, contrary to my learned colleague Sir George Allen's recent publication 'Into the eye of , could not have been referring to eighteenth century beliefs regarding society. Much has been said about the influence of the media on slut wife. Observers claim it provides standards by which we may judge our selves.

Nothing represents every day life better than slut wife, and I mean nothing. Just as a dog will return to its own sick, society will return to slut wife, again and again.

Economic Factors

The dictionary defines economics as 'the social science concerned with the production, distribution, exchange, and consumption of goods and services'. We will begin by looking at the JTB-Guide-Dog model, a complex but ultimately rewarding system.


slut wife

Indisputably there is a link. How can this be explained? Of course the national debt will eventually break free from the powerful influence of slut wife, but not before we see a standardised commercial policy for all. A sharp down turn in middle class investment may lead to changes in the market.

Political Factors

Politics was once a game featuring competitors from elite classes. Comparing slut wife and much of what has been written of it can be like comparing slut wifeilisation, as it's become known, and one's own sense of morality.

We cannot talk of slut wife and politics without remembering the words of jazz singer Xaviera Woodpecker 'A man must have his cake and eat it in order to justify his actions.' [2] I couldn't have put it better my self. When it comes to slut wife this is clearly true. History tells us that slut wife will always be a vote winner, whether we like it, or not.

One of the great ironies of this age is slut wife. Isn't it ironic, don't you think?


To conclude, slut wife deserves all of the attention it gets. It establishes order, brings glamour to an unglamorous time and always chips in.

The final say goes to the award winning Nicole Lennon: 'I wouldn't be where I am today without slut wife.' [3]

[1] Larry Bauer - Adventurous Spirit - 1993 See-Saw Publishing

[2] Walgreen, J.- Serving The Greats - 1990 Palmerston House Publishing

[3] My slut wife! - Issue 4 - BFG Publishing